Parenting to the Temperaments Using EFT
by Alina Frank, EFT-CERT-I
Many people have had Myers-Briggs personality tests to determine the areas of their work lives and relationships that will best suit them, but did you know that this system of categorization goes back to ancient Greece in the form of the four temperaments of sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, and melancholic? Hippocrates himself believed in this theory known as humors and equated each one with the 4 elements of air, earth, fire, water.
EFT of Emotional Freedom Techniques is a form of emotional acupuncture without needles that involves tapping on the surface of the skin on different points around the face and body. By using EFT in a targeted way with each individual child’s sensitivities you become more aware of where they may be more likely to struggle while simultaneously allowing their strength of character to shine through.
All of us are a combination temperaments but one is usually dominant after age 7. Read the descriptions of each personality type and see if you can figure out which one best describes your child and then start using EFT to help you hone your parenting skills.
The sanguine child is of the air and I have always thought of these children as fairies. Watch young children lost in their imagination and you can agree with the observation that most children until age 7 are sanguine. These little charmers tend to be superficial and have short attention spans which can cause their parents and teachers grief at times. Popular among with their peers, sanguine children are really lots of fun and are always enthusiastic. Once in a while a sanguine will need to express her anger with a sudden tantrum, but then just as quickly as it started, the fairy has flown away ready for her next creative outlet.
EFT for the sanguine child- A constant refrain you hear from these spritely beings caused by their desire for the newest diversion instead of focusing on a challenging task at hand is, “I am bored” or “Can’t we do something more fun?” When tasks can not be dismissed such as in learning school work you can simply use, “Even though I would rather be playing than learning my multiplication tables, I deeply and completely accept myself”
The phlegmatic is the water child. Phlegmatics are seemingly unflinching, easy going, and also tend to have many friends because others perceive them as exceedingly fair and just. I think of a graceful orcas whale as being phlegmatic. On rare occasions a phlegmatic will explode but there are always warning signs when this is coming. One common sign discussed among a group of parents I recently heard was that of not eating. This is a easily recognized since phlegmatics are notorious foodies. Deep thinkers and philosophers by nature, it has been said that almost all the saints were phlegmatic. Their desire for stability and comfort is strong and this may be a weakness when action and change are called for.
EFT for the phlegmatic child - Tap on your child whenever you need her to be able to move to a new situation that may be different and strange, “Even though I am afraid of moving and would rather stay in my old town with my old friends, I am an awesome kid” Another good tip is to set up worthy goals for him which can then activate this child’s sense of valor such as helping out a neighbor or friend in need.
The melancholic is a child of the earth. They are known as psychic vacuum cleaners because of their sensitivity to others in their environment. These children look as though they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. Melancholics are at the end of the introvert scale making them great observers and analyzers of not only their own behavior but of all those they come in contact with. Musical aptitude and deep respect for nature are also known traits.
EFT for the melancholic child- Using EFT can help these kids when they are frightened and can prevent or transform phobias which can plague this temperament. “Even though I am afraid to go outside and play with Susie next door because she is always mean to me, I deeply and completely love and accept myself”.
Due to the stress of feeling so intensely, these children also suffer from headaches, and stomach problems which can easily be addressed using EFT.
The choleric is the child of unabashed fire. At the end of the extrovert spectrum are the mighty cholerics. They are full of energy and trod heavily on the ground- look for the telltale sign of worn out heels on their shoes! Their motto being “Rules are for other kids” these little Napoleons are risk takers and adventurers. They also have very intense tantrums that can leave those around them trembling. If this were the only facets they exhibit they would be indeed lonely children yet they have a certain warmth and self-assuredness that draws others near.
EFT for the choleric child- The best advice I can give parents of these born leaders is to tap on them first and foremost! “Even though Ryan is making my blood boil by calling me a stinky mommy as he is writhing on the floor, I deeply and completely love and accept myself” Entering into a battle with the raging child will only fan their flames and they can easily escalate the fire until it is beyond any hope of control. By staying calm you gain their respect and can then discuss the events that led up to the anger and then give them clearly defined mutually predetermined consequences; they save face (of great importance to them) and learn self-control from your ability to role model restraint.
No enlightened parent would want to have their offspring pigeonholed or labeled, but understanding a little more about the way one’s child tends to view and relate to the world at large can make the difference between mastering the art of parenting and merely existing under the same roof.
Alina Frank, CERT-I
www.tapyourpower.net
www.eftmentors.com
