Some people may not even acknowledge that you have had an enormous loss, and just talk to you about the weather, or petrol prices, as if nothing has happened. Even close friends and family may behave this way, not even asking how you are going, or what your child was like - perhaps afraid of what they might feel, or how you might respond. If you bring the topic up in conversation, you may have some compassionate ears to listen to you, or you may have someone who will quickly change the topic or walk away. It's not personal, although it can really feel like it.
For the brave who choose to say something to us, sometimes really put their foot in it with minimising comments such as "well losing a baby wouldn't be as bad as losing a 40 year old child", or "my chicken has the same problem, been sitting on those infertile eggs for four weeks now", or "you can have another one" and the list goes on. In their effort to comfort you, you may walk away feeling anything but comfort.
I certainly had some strong reactions to how people responded to our losses. Thankfully, with the help of EFT, I could go away and reduce the intensity of my feelings regarding the interaction. Firstly I would recommend doing some "ranting" EFT, where you tell the person who you felt offended by exactly what you think and feel about what they said, or didn't say (this is in your imagination only).
After this, imagine the person and what they said, or didn't say, and do some EFT rounds such as:
Even though *NAME* avoided me after we lost our baby, I choose to forgive *NAME* because s/he was doing the best s/he could.
Even though I feel hurt by *NAME*'s response to me and our loss, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. I was doing the best I could.
Even though *NAME* said "*fill in the blank*", I choose to forgive *NAME* because s/he was doing the best s/he could.
Even though I took people's actions and words personally, I deeply and completely accept myself. I was doing the best I could.
Forgiveness is so important for ourselves. We are the ones that suffer if we hold onto to grievances. And it colours our interactions with others too.
So after doing these rounds, you will know if they work because of how you feel towards each of the people. You will either feel clear towards them, or still have some hurt feelings or anger when you think of them. It's important to test your results to see if our work is done. And if something comes up at a later date, you just do some more tapping to clear out any remaining resentments.
If you haven't felt any shift in intensity after doing the rounds, then tap on the Karate Chop point saying something like:
Even though I don't want to forgive *NAME* right now, it's OK, I'm a grieving parent and I'm finding this really tough right now. Maybe I'll forgive later. Right now I feel (insert feeling) and that's how it is for now.
By not forcing the forgiveness, you will quite likely find a shift at a later date, when you will feel ready to let go.
Namaste,
Julie
