There are many different types of relationship but the one thing they all have in common is an
emotional component. Intimate relationships are defined by a deeper emotional connection than
in other relationships – which is why they often cause a lot more pain and upset. In the initial
stages of romantic love the emotions are usually positive ones – including love, elation, passion,
euphoria, peace and happiness. However, after the first glow has faded, and the reality of every
day life has set back in, different and more negative emotions can start to surface.

Your need for love and acceptance don’t seem to be met in the way you want them to be and
instead your partner triggers your deepest anxieties and fears around rejection. Like most people
you probably think it’s your partner’s fault – but in fact the negative feelings belong to you
because no-one else can make you feel anything. We tend to take things as a personal insult and
feel hurt and this causes us to fight back so you might notice that you fall into accusing, blaming
or criticising. You feel irritated, angry (anger always stems from being hurt in some way) and
resentful. Your partner responds by defending or attacking in return and so the battle begins.
Throw in some conflicts over values, over money, even over where to go for holidays and you are
on an emotional roller coast ride, seemingly going downhill more than up.

So what’s the answer to dealing with these emotional reactions which neither serve us or the
relationship. Happily there is now a personal development tool that you can actually apply to
yourself to deal with these reactions. It’s aptly called “Emotional Freedom Techniques” but is
more commonly known as EFT. EFT is a revolutionary healing aid based on the discovery that
unresolved emotional issues are caused by disruptions in the body’s energy system. The energy
meridians that run through our body can be blocked or disrupted and these disruptions inhibit
your natural ability to heal and get triggered off without us even realising they are there. EFT
addresses the causes instead of the symptoms of these energy disruptions with a gentle tapping
procedure using the fingertips which brings which quick relief. It’s simple and easy to both learn
and apply.

EFT achieves wonderful results on a great number of issues – anxiety, fears and phobias, grief,
trauma and abuse, lack of self-esteem or self-confidence, metabolism and weight issues, eating
disorders, addictions, insomnia, physical symptoms and even removing performance blocks in
speaking, studying, sport and business. However it’s particularly useful in solving relationship
issues because at the bottom of any relationship difficulty lies a negative emotion, usually some
sort of fear, and going free from this fear and all the associated emotions will help the
relationship get onto a much happier footing.

Here’s a little exercise for you. Think for a moment about what you are most resentful at your
partner for – criticising you, not being willing to do something you want, buying something
expensive without consulting you, not speaking to you for 2 days – these are just a few thought
starters because the list is endless! Let yourself feel the resentment as well as the anger and hurt
that goes with it and then see if you can get a little picture in your mind of how you treat him or
her when you feel like that. You might criticise them back, withhold something from them, be
irritated, shout, sulk, give them the silent treatment, beg for something or act the martyr.

Next, imagine yourself without this resentment, anger and hurt. First of all how would you feel
in yourself and then how would you respond to them without all this negative emotion on board.
See if you can get a clear picture of how you would be. My guess is that you would respond in a
far more loving, accepting way. What all of us want at the deepest level is to be loved and
accepted so imagine how your partner might respond to this. How does that feel?

Have you ever noticed – it’s always the other person’s fault? And what’s more we want them to
change and stop causing us such upset! The reality however is that the only way of changing
someone else’s behaviour is to change our own, which then changes how they react to us. EFT is
a wonderfully effective way of doing that because it’s possible for you to release your deepest
fears so they are no longer in your body to be triggered. One of the beauties about EFT is that
you don’t even need to know the causes of these fears in order to release them. As well as
working on the underlying causes of the emotional reactions that you have to your partner’s
words and actions you can also use the technique to go free from the daily irritations and upsets
that come along the way. This not only helps you feel much better in the moment but stops the
unresolved emotions building up into something bigger that causes you to explode somewhere
down the track at the merest trigger.

Dealing with your own triggered emotions is the fastest way to a more fulfilling, peaceful and
happy relationship – in this way you can create a deep connection based on self-responsibility
and loving support.