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The Professional Resistance Phenomenon -- Getting In Your Own Way |
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This article is directed to EFT practitioners who may have inexplicably experienced only marginal gains with certain clients which can then discourage them from seeking further help with EFT. While I deal mostly with serious diseases, recognizing this not so obvious barrier between you and your client, and addressing it head-on initially, could save you both time and effort and get you the results that you expect.
With all due respect to my clients who are in their fifties and above and who have witnessed sexual discrimination within their families growing up, I’ve noticed a running trend in personality profiles. And even though some issues are more complex than others, the common denominator between them is what I refer to as “professional resistance.” Although this “professional resistance” can also apply to male clients, I’ve especially noticed this with female clients who are well educated and professionals of one sort or the other.
The majority of these women are accomplished with professional or literary backgrounds, including psychotherapists. They’ve been exposed to and tried more than one healing method with mixed results. By the time they seek my help they’ve had a history of jumping from one approach to another in their quest for self help. While they present as succinct and motivated in their session agendas, there is an underlying impediment to honesty due to the shame and embarrassment of what they weren’t able to accomplish themselves. It’s not unusual for this type of client to strictly control the number and frequency of sessions they will allow from “outside” help. Because I specialize in serious diseases, this ‘time limit” adds to the complexity of finding our way out of the diseased state maze. If this professional resistance is left uncovered, it can be a real disservice to those who desperately and consciously want the help.
In order to help visually define the sources of this resistance barrier, I offer the example of a currently popular and nostalgic TV program that very accurately portrays the male and female roles of our society in the early sixties. And while the program is gorgeously done and fun to watch, in reality the fallout from that era presents as females with a lifetime of fear, anger, and resentment, and in the case of the majority of my clients, left with serious diseases. Beneath it all dwells a silent anger held down with a layer of resignation that tightly coats some very deep core issues. With the mindset of “That’s the way it was then”, they had more times than not felt that they were not in control, that they needed to be “perfect” so that they could be noticed (feel loved).
Women played down their intelligence because it wasn’t necessary to nurture that part, especially if they were going to “get married and be taken care of.” Consequently, most females were denied college educations and even made to feel guilty for their ambitions. Being a “career girl” and being taken seriously with any career really meant the threat of becoming a pathetic spinster, which back then was a fate worse than death. Some sacrificed and fought to pay for their own educations against all odds, while they watched their glorified male siblings being supported and uplifted by one or both parents. They saw the men in their families rise and prosper, as they took a back seat inside their own marriages because of the writings on their walls.
Interestingly, it’s been my experience that the less one is capable of compartmentalizing their own issues and over-thinking them (i.e., less educated) the easier it is to clear the issues. This would imply that the less coping skills learned from professional training, or just thoughtful and intelligent rationalization, the thinner the barrier or filter for honesty between the client and practitioner.
Although I have many female clients who fit this description of resistance, I write this article with gratitude for the help from two exceptionally candid clients of mine, Raye and Adele. Coincidentally or not, within the same week both women separately shared their own observations of “professional resistance.” Their comments inspired me to gather my own observations of the rest of my clientele, connect the dots, and write this article. Because of them, I now making tapping for resistance before an initial session a standard protocol of mine.
Raye is a well educated and multi-talented artist in her early sixties and no stranger to EFT and other energy techniques. Although we made progress with her digestive problems in the past, they eventually returned. After seeking other energetic options for her list of symptoms, she eventually resumed our sessions, but this time in earnest. At that point Raye was the first to admit her resistance to being honest during previous sessions with me because then I would discover how imperfect she really was. She didn’t want me having a bad impression of her. I thought it was probably the healthiest admission I’d ever heard since after all, ego can stop us from admitting that we even have ego when it comes to our self-representation and looking “evolved”. It was her admission that gave me the idea to start with a pre-session round of tapping for resistance to my help.
“Even though I’m resistant to Rossanna’s help, and I have my own reasons, I accept myself.”
“I accept myself even though I’m ashamed that I can’t do this myself.”
“Even though I have this barrier of embarrassment that’s standing in my way, I accept the way I feel.”
The rest of our session flew by with fluidity, and she experienced deep and profound results that are still holding according to her progress reports. If not for Raye’s honesty this time around, fulfilling her dreams of “hitting the ball out of the park” with the rest of her life would have been short circuited again. She continues to successfully move forward.
My next generous client, Adele, again in her early sixties, has a BA in English, an MA in Divinity. She graduated summa cum laude from her class, is an ordained United Methodist Minister, and an author of two books. Ten years ago she was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer and underwent the usual protocol of surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. Through her own research, she paid strict attention to her diet including detoxification protocols, and sought holistic alternatives for support. After a recurrence a year ago, she said “no” to more chemotherapy. Feeling she didn’t have “ten years for talk therapy,” she decided instead to focus on deep emotional issues that she suspected were a missing and important aspect. First she tried hypnotherapy, and finally EFT after learning it on her own and working on her own issues for a time. She called me for an energetic nudge in the right direction with particular issues for which she had blind spots.
And, like Raye, had also preset her time limit as to how many sessions she would allow to reach the core issues before she could figure it out on her own. After a long break between sessions, I heard from her again for some recurrent digestive issues. But this time she admitted to tapping in anticipation of our EFT session.
“Even though I have anxiety about my appointment with Rossanna”
“Even though I’m afraid we’ll uncover something else that’s wrong with me”
“Even though I’ afraid Rossanna will think less of me because I’m not better yet”
“Even though Rossanna will realize how incompetent I am”
“Even though Rossanna must be tired of dealing with me”
And once that barrier was broken, we had one of our best sessions ever!
I realize this may sound like I’m generalizing a specific personality type, however this has been a predictable trend so far with my female clients of this age group. I thought it was worthy of an article to alert other practitioners who may not have considered this as an important aspect when working with chronologically mature women. Feminism didn’t just fade to black after the initial ruckus of the 60’s. There’s a whole population of “good girls” out there who didn’t want to rock the boat during that time. If they were perfect, someone would eventually recognize it and acknowledge them for all the effort.
Come to find out, it doesn’t work that way at all.
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