The phone rang, and when I answered I was surprised to hear the voice of my sister-in-law, Eileen,
who was on her way down for a family get together. She had been planning on coming to our family
gathering for a couple of months, and we were expecting her. She called from a rest stop about half
way here, and she didn't think she could drive any farther. Between deep, racking sobs she explained
her situation. Eileen, who is in her mid-sixties and lives alone, was carrying several gallons of water
out to her car when she slipped. Afraid that she would fall on her face, she was able to
“catch herself,” but in doing so, she pulled a muscle in her right leg. Even though she really
hurt her leg, she thought she would be OK to drive. Unfortunately, the pain got worse as she drove.
Three hours into her trip, she made her plea to me by cell phone. The pain was so bad in her right leg she couldn't put her foot on the accelerator and she had to use her cruise control to drive.
Eileen was afraid that she couldn't even drive herself to a motel 20 miles away—which was plan B.She really wanted to be able to drive to the restaurant where we were going to meet, which was another 150 miles.
Quickly cutting to the chase, I asked about her strongest emotions that she was experiencing.She said that she felt disappointed that she might not be able to make it to our gathering.She was fearful that she might be stranded at the rest stop. She was feeling despair because she didn't know if she could even make it back home. Feeling panicked, Eileen didn't know what to do.
She felt embarrassed and clumsy because she had almost fallen. Following Lindsay Kinney's “bundling feelings” concept, I helped her bundle together disappointment, fear, panic, and embarrassment. I asked her what she might title the past three hours if it was a movie, and she replied, “Stumble Bum.” She rated her bundle of emotions as a 7/10. She said that the intensity had gone down because she was picking up on my calmness and certainty that we could clear this situation up.
Some of the set-up phrases we used were, Even though:
- I feel panicked because I can't drive, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
- I feel disappointed that I may not make it to dinner tonight with our family...
- I feel embarrassed that I slipped and hurt myself...
Her first round of reminder phrases was I feel panicked. Then we alternated the following reminder phrases:
- I feel so disappointed
- I'm afraid I might be stuck here
- Stumble Bum
- I feel embarrassed
- I am scared
After three or four rounds, I asked Eileen how she felt, and she replied that she didn't feel panicked anymore. I could hear the hope in her voice. What was left, she continued, was a pounding in her heart with an intensity level between three and four. She was still feeling disappointed and embarrassed. We did a couple of rounds and added a few cuss words to lighten it up. Her SUD level dropped to a two. We did another round about her disappointment and her intensity level went to a one.
When we started, the pain in her right leg, was at a six, and it dropped as the emotional intensity lessened. The pain went from a six to four. Then it dropped to three, and Eileen said it was now just a sensation.
Eileen announced that she was going to see me at dinner, and she did just that. She was able to drive three more hours. I was so happy to see her smiling face when I arrived at the restaurant.
Armed with knowledge of how to get to core issues that are underneath physical pain, I was able to help my beloved friend go from complete panic and debilitating pain to be able to drive another three hours, and most importantly, for her to be able to make it to an event that we had been looking forward to for months.
