Freedom in Relationships

                                            
By Ellen Richter,  MS

Relationships
are the essence of life. From the moment you enter this world you are fully
engaged in a relationship with your parents and the environment to which you
are born. If you are born into a family with other children, your siblings also
become part of your relational existence. When you enter school you form
relationships with your peers and teachers, and of course as you grow up and
enter the workforce, you find yourself in relationships with your bosses and
co-workers. What a multitude of interactions you form before you even enter
into a love relationship as an adult!

Relationships
can be a source of joy and peace or one of strife and misery. They can inspire
and uplift you to the best version of yourself or negatively set you off and
bring forth characteristics you didn’t even know were a part of you! This of
course is called your shadow side and is an invitation to look at the most
important relationship you will ever have: the one you maintain with yourself.

When
you come into this world you are a pure expression of all that it means to be a
human being. As you live in joy in the moment, you experience reactions from
those around you. Some of those reactions are not too nice so you quickly learn
which parts of you are unacceptable and need to be tucked away from the
world.  These suppressed traits
comprise your shadow self and as you mature into conscious adults, you get the
chance to revisit this side as you engage in relationships with others. The
universe as you perceive it, whether in circumstances you find yourself in, or
your interactions with other people, is a mirror of all that you are
consciously and unconsciously. It shows you the parts you proudly own and
admire, as well as the parts that need to be healed.

Take
a moment and think of someone that you have a relationship with. What do you
like most about this person?  Do
you recognize that trait in yourself? If not immediately apparent, take a few
moments and really think about it. For example, let’s say you truly admire a
co-worker’s dedication on the job but you don’t see that same dedication in
yourself since you find yourself taking sick days and not being motivated to
finish your work assignments. 
That’s ok. You are trying to recognize the trait, not the circumstance.
Are you dedicated to your children and family? What about to a hobby or
passion? Look hard until you recognize the same traits in yourself that you
admire in others!

Now
let’s do the same with the shadow side. Think of someone in your life that has
a characteristic that totally sets you off in a negative way. Maybe it incites
anger in you or a physical sensation in your body. Perhaps it’s your love
partner and you think they are extremely selfish. If you are like most people,
you will say the reason it bothers you so much that they are that way is
because you are NOT that way! However, as human beings we all possess all human
traits. Remember, some we tucked away early on because of the negative
consequences they brought to us. 
The knowledge and awareness that what you experience in your
relationships is mirroring you, is both enlightening and freeing. As you accept
that you possess all traits that are human you can use your relationships for
you own growth as an individual. 
Celebrate the traits you like in others knowing you also possess the
same traits. Become aware of when you exhibit these traits and make the
conscious decision to nurture them. 
Also take note of what you really dislike in others and use EFT
(emotional freedom technique) to change the negative reactions you experience
when you notice those traits. By using EFT to clear the negative energy
patterns, you invite self- acceptance and love and can now consciously choose
which traits to nurture and which to let go by the wayside.  You will also notice that as you
balance your energy around what you don’t like in others, that behavior will
actually start to diminish because the law of attraction matches your energetic
charge at all times!

Relationships
are the elixir of life. In this new year, let them be your greatest source of
joy and freedom.