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Article : Addicted to Pain and Reverse Polarity
Name : Jodi McDonald
City: New Braunfels
State : Texas
Country : United States
Article Reviews: 1 Reviews
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How are you doing today?

The manner in which we respond to that question tells us more about where we are in our path to health and wholeness than anything else we are asked. When asked, do we answer that life is great and that we are living a passionate journey of abundance, health, bliss and love, or do we immediately fall back on our sad stories, sharing how we’ve been hurt, betrayed, abused or disappointed in the past? Why in the world would we cling to that which brings us misery?

There is a catch-22 to understanding our responsibility in the creation of our lives. Once we gave up the idea of being mere victims of the outside world, and we took on the idea that we created our reality, we had to come up with reasons why our reality wasn’t so beautiful. “It’s not that I don’t want a better life,” we responded to defend ourselves, “it’s just that my life has been so difficult that I can’t move forward.” With responsibility shining a light, we ran back into the shadows of victimhood.

As soon as we have the attention of others, we pull out story after story demonstrating how cruel life has been to us. We have become a society that thrives on telling our stories of woe, almost…dare I say it…enjoying our misery. Society has actually made it rather chic to have a horrible past. We feel more enlightened when we have come from a place of deep pain. As Dr. Carolyn Myss says, sharing our wounds, socially, has become the new form of intimacy.

As I read through the “About Me” section of my website, I see one sad story after another being shared. Funny thing is, that is no longer who I am at all! So what is it about myself that makes me want to compare these memories, almost as if I was competing for the ”Worst Life In History” trophy? I fear the ego has handed me another apple. I mean, let’s face it, how can I boost my ego with wonderful stories of how I healed myself if I don’t have anything to heal? If I run out of pain, I need to restock so I can get back to my group where we trade punches and tell each other how sorry we are for one another. I am not going to be left out…oh no! In the need to be accepted, I found new ways to excuse myself from responsibility yet again.

The truth is, we are addicted to our wounds. Ouch! I know it hurts to admit it (I flinched also), but there is a part of us that is deeply attached to our painful pasts. If we are stuck in the past, we don’t have to face the future. The future, you see, is very scary. If we stay where we are, we know what to expect. It might not be great, but it is comfortable. It feels safe and it requires no effort. Life comes at us fast, and all we really want to do is stay in bed, pull the covers over our heads, and hide. We are exhausted by all the hustle and bustle of everyday living, and it seems like someone always wants something of us. We are drained. Yes, energetically drained.

Sometimes we are the ones using our wounds to control others. Sometimes others use them to control us. It is a vicious cycle of pushing and pulling our power. No wonder we are exhausted!

What would life look like without all the stories of the past? Hmmmm…well, it would look like now! Exactly. Giving up the need to use our wounded past to either punish ourselves or others might be the best thing we ever did, because it would force us to live in the moment. But how can we do that? We are going to have to forgive and let go. As Myss says, “The best way to have a quality tomorrow is by leaving a sad yesterday behind.”

Stepping onto a higher path causes us to redefine ourselves. Out with the old, and in with the new. We ask God to give us our daily bread, but when it is offered, we cower in fear. We forget how to trust that something greater than ourselves is in control. Why? Because when we trusted in the past, we got hurt. Look again. It wasn’t our trust that caused us to stumble, it was doubt. God didn’t let go…we did. In one small moment of fear, we fell.

When working with clients using EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), we sometimes run into what is commonly called “reverse polarity.” This happens when the client has some underlying desire not to heal. Of course, the client is not aware of it, and is generally offended and defensive when first approached about it, because no one can imagine any reason why it would be good to hold on to diseases or problems. Rather than react as if being judged, the best thing the client can do is to honestly ask themselves if it is possible. Is there a reason why I would not want to heal?

When I was working with Dr. Carol Look on my blocks against writing a book (even though I knew I had everything needed to do it), I couldn’t even start to imagine there would be any reason I would not want to do it. It was my dream! All my life, people told me I was gifted at writing. I knew it was my strongest asset. Why, then, would I be sabotaging my own efforts to write? Every time someone brought it up, I went into my list of reasons why it wasn’t the right time, or that no one would want to read it, or that I was too busy taking care of others.

In the end, it was all about safety. I had no fear of failure, because I had done that all my life. I was really, really good at failure! It was comfortable and expected…my stories were evidence. I had a failed marriage, I had failed to win my father’s attention, I had failed at being the perfect mother, and I had failed at achieving the life of my dreams. Success, you understand, was new and different. It was in the realm of the “unknown.” I worried what my life would look like if I were successful. I didn’t know who would take on the role of caregiver I had so long played. I didn’t know who I would be. I didn’t know how to write a book and I didn’t want to be rejected by companies reinforcing that I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t know if I could handle being gone or standing in front of audiences talking about my book. There was a lot of risk standing in the spotlight. In the past, when I had put myself “out there,” it was scary and embarrassing. Safety was chosen over risk. I was willing to compromise my integrity because I was too scared to step over the edge. What if?

All those stories. All those reasons. The bottom line was that the world wasn’t out to get me at all. I was. I chuckle as I think of a line in a song by Pink that says, “Don’t let me get me.”

I challenge all of us to be willing to embrace change. Holding onto the past will not slow down the future. If we are going to live the life we say we want, we are going to have to take steps into the unknown. Every time we do not honor the path we came here to walk, we strike major blows to our bodies. Those who do not follow their passion end up with all kinds of diseases and difficulties. Every time we give away our power, we lessen our opportunity for prosperity, bliss, love, and meaning. Call it back.

With EFT, we erase the painful past that holds us hostage. Free at last, we reprogram ourselves with new beliefs that serve us well. We cut the chords that restrain us, and we stretch our wings as we soar into the unknown with confidence. There is no need to look back–to recount the reasons why–because all we are focused on now is the present moment.

Honor yourself as you call back your power. In new-found strength, boldly go where you have not gone before. This time you are different. This time you have courage and conviction and no lingering past to trip you up along the path. This time you aren’t wallowing in self-pity, needing to share the stories of your painful past. This time intimacy is experienced as bonding with those who also stand in power. This time you are the leader and the teacher. This time you see every obstacle as an opportunity to learn. This time you stay in the here and now where all manifestation begins…the place where fear has no power at all.

The time has come to forgive all the mistakes, pains, judgements and problems of the past. Let them go. They no longer serve you. Record new tapes and release the addiction to the wounds. Allow yourself to accept your divine inheritance.

Chart your course for greatness! It’s the new chic…everybody’s doing it.

I AM…Jodi
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