I think that the following case is fascinating because it
demonstrates using an imagined memory that seemed to have no connection to the
current situation. And it shows we make progress simply by focusing on the
energy disruption in any way that we can access it.
Gina (not her real name) came to me for a discomfort with
networking events.Although she
felt that she was a competent coach, even an excellent one, whenever she went
to a networking event she would feel very emotional, and often cry when they
were over.She felt that this was
hurting her career, and wanted to enjoy networking events.
Gina related that her fear didn’t seem to be connected to a
fear of public speaking, since she had many times addressed groups both smaller
and larger than the networking events she had tried.I asked her what, specifically, she had experienced at the
networking event.
She reported that while she sat there waiting for her turn
to speak, she felt like she wanted to bolt from the room, and felt like she
wanted to cry.She felt very
disliked by the group, almost hated.
I asked if, consciously or rationally she felt that the
group disliked her, if she had any evidence of this.She said no, this was just a feeling.She knew it was irrational, but it was
overpoweringly strong.
I then asked her to close her eyes, and think back in her
past to see if she had had those feelings prior to the networking event.She immediately said ‘I see myself on a
playground, but that’s funny – I’ve never seen that playground before, that’s
not a real memory. It’s just a flash of imagination.’She then attempted to find a ‘real’ memory with those
feelings but was unable to.
I told her that since the important thing was to clear the
emotions and the energy disruption, we could work equally well with an invented
memory as we could with a real one. I asked if she could tune into the
playground again, and feel those uncomfortable feelings that were similar to
the ones from the networking event. She was immediately in touch with the feelings.
I asked her what was going on in the playground, and to
describe the scene.Gina related
that she seemed to be about 8, and that there were lots of children around, and
that they were going to do something together, like build a clubhouse.She reported feeling excited about
this.She reiterated that although
she could clearly see this scene, she was quite certain it hadn’t really
happened.
Then, she said, a little dark-haired boy appeared and all
the children started looking to him for leadership.This created some intensity (a 6 on the 0 to 10 scale), so
we stopped here and tapped.
Setup:
Even though they are all looking at him, and listening to
him, and they hate me, I love and accept myself…
Reminder phrases:
They’re all looking at him…
They’re all listening to him…
They hate me…
We tapped one complete round, all points, and she reported
that the focus had now changed slightly. She now felt ‘I want them to listen to me, they aren’t listening to me!
I just want to hate them for this.’ Intensity had changed to a 10, she felt
angry and frustrated, and was crying.
Setup:
Even though they won’t listen to me, I love and accept
myself…
Even though it’s so frustrating that they won’t listen to
me, I love and accept myself…
Even though I want to hate them for ignoring me, I love and
accept myself…
Reminder phrases:
Listen to me!
Why won’t you listen to me?
I’m so angry!
I want to hate them all…
I’m so frustrated!
Why won’t they listen to me?
One complete round brought the intensity down to a 6.She reported that the ‘I want to hate
them’ feeling was gone. We did another round with slightly modified wording:
Even though I think that they should be listening to me, why
aren’t they listening to me, I have good ideas too for the clubhouse, I love
and accept myself now…
Reminder phrases:
They should listen to me
I have good ideas too
I want them to listen to me
This complete round of tapping brought the intensity down to
a 2. I asked her what she would like to have happen on the playground – what
would be the best outcome for her?
She said that she didn’t care if the other children took her
ideas for the clubhouse or not, she was OK with going with someone else’s
ideas, she just wanted to make sure that her ideas were heard.
I asked her to begin continuous tapping on all the points, and
asked her to visualize the other children listening to her ideas.I asked her to imagine that she was
heard, and her ideas carefully listened to.Gina reported that she no longer felt anger at the little
dark-haired boy, and felt appreciated by the other children.
I asked her to visualize attending a networking event, and
see if she felt any intensity.She
reported that she felt the same appreciation in visualizing that event that she
had felt visualizing the playground. After checking for any other events that might have contributed to, or
resemble these feelings, and not finding them, the session was over.
Follow-up: two months later
Gina reported that she had attended three different
networking events, with no recurrence of the discomfort.She had enjoyed the events, and had
gotten several new clients from them.