I was sitting at my kitchen table not that long ago, contemplating a little issue that had come up between my boyfriend and I. I realized that, on the surface, it wasn't a big issue. It was something to be discussed, surely, but it was by no means relationship threatening. Yet, I felt almost a sense of depression, a sense of not wanting to even deal with it. I did not want to go there.
I found the feelings exaggerated for such a small issue so I began to question myself about why it should be such a big deal to have to bring up this issue and discuss it with him. This is when I came upon a belief that I had about relationships. The belief was that any issue at all was the beginning of the end. I found that I believed that relationships always start off very well and then, sometimes slowly, sometimes more quickly, issues begin to come up at which point the relationship begins a downhill slide, turns into an awful, uncomfortable thing and then, very reliably, ends painfully. That had been, thus far, my experience.
It is important to understand that this is the first serious relationship I have had where I have access to EFT and its miraculous clearing abilities. EFT allows me now to release the trauma and expectations set up by past incidents, so the whole experience of relationship with this tool is, ultimately, completely new for me. Also, this is the first very good, very mature, very open, very honest, equal-to-equal relationship I've ever had so that aspect is also completely new for me. Last, but not least, I am not the same person in this relationship as I was in the others. Thanks to EFT I have cleared so many of my past issues (fears that stopped me from speaking my mind, old ideas that caused me to criticize and judge myself and my partners harshly, beliefs about how a relationship "SHOULD" be, etc. ad infinitum) that I simply don't act the same way anymore.
As I uncovered the belief that so obviously came from my past experiences and from the fearful and insecure person I used to be, I tapped:
Even though relationships begin so wonderfully but ALWAYS go downhill and end awfully, I completely love and accept myself.
Reminder phrases: Relationships start out great but they always crash and burn. So far, that's how it's always been. That's just the way it is.
Even though surfacing issues signal that the bad, downhill part of the relationship is here so why bother trying to work on anything, it's almost over anyway, I completely love and accept myself.
Reminder phrases: Issues mean the end. A problem means it will be painfully over soon. Why waste our time?
As it was really just a vestige of old experiences, it cleared very quickly. Whatever the issue was that brought the belief to my awareness, it was so insignificant that I can no longer remember it but I'm still in my great relationship and I no longer have that doomsday feeling when an issue comes up between us. If there is ever an ending to this one, it is nowhere in sight.
Maybe the next time you feel something that seems exaggerated for that particular situation, you might ask yourself what your underlying beliefs are about what is going on. It might give you something to tap on.
