Often, when I’m working with an EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) client, we end up discussing the relationship he/she had with the parents.  It usually begins with the client consciously believing he/she was loved by the parents, but what I sometimes discover is that the love came with “conditions,” creating a subconscious belief of being unlovable.  Often, these people spend their entire lives trying to win the love of others, never really believing it is possible. It isn’t possible because we must first love ourselves.  Love, in the purest form, has no requirements, and when a child believes the parents only love him/her under certain circumstances, that child is not reacting with joy, but is coming from fear.  This creates issues of safety.

Those who feel insecure about themselves–who work so hard to always be perfect–are the ones I generally expect are dealing with this.  Without knowing it, they are living in fear.  Because they grew up in an environment where they felt loved only if they behaved in a particular manner, they are cautious about doing anything that might be perceived as bad or wrong.  They are constantly afraid of losing the love of others.  A few examples of beliefs the child inherited are:

I will love you if you always follow the rules.

I love you when you behave like me.

I love you if you just stay out of my way.

I love you when you make good grades.

I love you if you look like me.

I love you when you agree with me.

I love you if you are perfect.

In an attempt to satisfy these conditions, these people constantly punish themselves when they don’t perform up to expectations…which, naturally, is most of the time!  Sabotage is always an issue, as they feel so undeserving of good.

My father, for example, required his children to look like him if they wanted his love.  Well, I didn’t!  I looked like my mother.  As you can imagine, that was an impossible situation!  There was no way I could change how I looked; therefore, I did everything I could think of to win his affection in every other way.  I worked so hard to win his love, and in those glimpses when I did feel like he cared, I could not enjoy the feeling, because I immediately moved into fear, wondering when he would realize I didn’t look like him, once again.  It was a losing battle, and I spent most of my childhood and a large portion of my adult life constantly sabotaging my success because I believed I was unlovable and undeserving.

If you are having difficulty in any area of your life, check back in on the child of your youth.  What beliefs about love did you place in your subconscious mind?  Were conditions placed on how or when you received love?  If so, you are most likely still carrying that baggage around today, making decisions based on the limitations of a pre-school child.

Humans make mistakes.  Even the best parents say things that might make their children feel they aren’t loved.  While the adult parent goes about his/her own way, forgetting the misspoken words, the very young child embeds that statement in the subconscious storage bin, and lives life from that belief.  We may believe, now that we are adults, we’ve forgiven and forgotten, but the child who first heard those words is continuously replaying them as if they are still true.  Your inner child has not forgotten!  To move forward, those beliefs must first be removed and reprogrammed.  Tap them away!

As you read through the list of conditions I placed on love in the list, above, did any of them ring a bell?  What other conditions can you recall?  It helps to make a list of them, and then tap on each one of those limiting beliefs.  Be sure to replace them with the new belief…”I am loved just as I am.”

And always remember…there is a field of Divine Love woven throughout your body, mind and spirit.  It is the essence of who you are.  Once you have cleared away all your doubts, you will find yourself blissfully floating in this space of acceptance.  Knowing who you are multiplies your joy, because you finally understand Love has always been there, but you were resisting it.  Once you understand that God is Love, God is All, thus All is Love, you will never again doubt whether or not you are lovable.  Fear vanishes.

“Even though I am afraid love comes with conditions, I DEEPLY and COMPLETELY love, accept, and forgive myself, anyway.” 

I love you…no conditions!

I AM…Jodi
www.godisaverb.com